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Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, by Isolina Ricci
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Internationally renowned therapist, family expert and mediator Isolina Ricci, Ph.D. presents this definitive and newly updated guide to divorce and making shared custody work for parents and children.
The ground-breaking classic, Mom’s House, Dad’s House, has become the standard for two generations of divorcing parents, and includes examples, self-tests, checklists, tools, and guidelines to help separated moms and dads with the legal, emotional, and financial issues they will encounter as they work to create happy and stable homes.
This comprehensive guide looks anew at the needs of all family members with creative options and common-sense advice, including:
* The map to a “decent divorce” and two happy homes
* Helping children of divorce with age-specific advice
* Negotiating Parental Agreements and custody arrangements
* Breaking away from “negative intimacy” with a difficult ex-husband or ex-wife
* Sidestepping destructive myths about divorce (and marriage)
* Handling long-distance parenting and parenting alone
With Mom’s House, Dad’s House, parents will learn how to help their children heal and find a sense of continuity, security, and stability throughout the divorce process and in any custody situation.
- Sales Rank: #3190942 in Books
- Published on: 1997-11-18
- Format: Bargain Price
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.20" h x 1.00" w x 5.60" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 381 pages
Amazon.com Review
According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend."
About the Author
Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.
Most helpful customer reviews
138 of 145 people found the following review helpful.
How to survive the agonies of separation with children
By A Customer
This book is a new, revised and updated edition of the book of the same name originally published in 1980. Dr. Ricci heads the Statewide Office of Family Court Services for California'as 82 family courts and has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 22 years. The material for Mom's House, Dad's House came out of her experience as a therapist and mediator, teaching seminars and classes for divorcing parents. From her students and clients she learned how difficult and complex it could be for divorcing parents to pull away from their former intimate relationships and reorganize their lives. The present volume is a distillation of all that Dr. Ricci learned in those early and in subsequent years. Its goal is to inform divorcing, separated, or remarried parents on how to constructively heal the wounds of separation and establish a healthy new life for their children. Dr. Ricci argues that, contrary to traditionally accepted beliefs that divorce means destruction of the family, a new kind of really workable and satisfying family life can be created for a child while parents maintain separate residences. Reaching this state is, however, not easy. It involves an understanding by both parents of their mutual goals, and much hard work at "pre-separation boot camp" to actualize these goals. This is a painful process where former intimacy is replaced by a business-like approach with the needs of the child rather than those of the parents being paramount. The rewards to all parties are, however, enormous. Fortunately, as difficult as the process of separation may be, Dr. Ricci leads us through it in great detail, dissolving commonly held myths, describing the various stages of separation and the problems inherent in each, how to set up separate residences and still maintain a "family," and the path out of our irrational negative intimacy to a rational relationship. Her points are well-illustrated throug the felicitous and ample use of quotes from clients. Also included are sections on the all-important legal side of separation and divorce and how to make it work for you, the divorcing parent, rather than for attorneys. The basic elements of parenting plans and agreements "the most important legal document when it is filed" are well-described in great detail and are alone worth the price of the book. Post-separation problems include those of the parent who fades out of the picture and their possible re-entry into the family relationship are well-described as are the wherefores of developing an extended family and acquaintance network, long-distance parenting, and difficulties involved in moving on. remarriage, dealing with "flashbacks" to the original relationship and former family life, and all the other problems one is likely to encounter even years after a divorce. Finally, for the layman who wishes to know more and for the professional, there are sections of detailed chapter notes, further reading, and appendices on information for your child's school, how to find a knowledgeable attorney, the costs of raising children, ideas for customized private clauses for private contracts, a mediation confidentiality agreement,and a guide for choosing child care. An index completes this exceptionally well-written and edited book. I have no hesitation in highly recommending Mom's House, Dad's House to anyone contemplating or involved in separation from a marriage. Indeed, I would even consider it must reading for anyone thinking of having children, to educate them as to the seriousness of bringing a child into the world. After all, you may be the one in two couples whose relationship will end in separation. My only regret is that this book was not yet in print when I separated from a former wife years ago when we had two children. Much emotional trauma all around could have been avoided or ameliorated if we had had Dr. Ricci's wisdom and practical suggestions then. Separation and divorce will never be a pleasure for anyone with children, but armed with MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE, it no longer has to take its vicious emotional toll. In both my professional life as a psychiatrist and in my personal life, I recommend this book to everyone. Richard A. Blasband, M.D.
40 of 40 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent resource for some, maybe not for others
By baltassoc
When my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I almost immediately grabbed every book I could find on resurrecting a marriage and handling a breakup with kids. I had plenty of time to read suddenly, after all. I found this book to be not only the most effective in handling kidds, but probably contained the best advice on keeping the marriage together. Alas, it was not meant to be.
A key thing: my children's mother and I have always wanted to be civil with one another. I recognize that many relationships do not end this way, and many parents are abusive or neglectful. There are other books that are better for handling those types of situations. For example, "Where's Daddy?" by Jill Curtis is likely to be helpful for a mother dealing with an absent or abusive father; for me it was not very helpful.
This book can be key in helping a couple that doesn't want their divorce to turn so sour that they can't stand each other's sight. It is helpful in handling each parent's relationship with their children, and their relationship with each other.
If you are already hunkered down in the middle of a war, this book may not be right for you; if you are trying to avoid getting into that situation in the first place, this book should be at the top of your list.
56 of 58 people found the following review helpful.
An indispensible guide
By A Customer
In the process of my divorce, I checked every resource I could find - in libraries, at the book store, publications from organizations...
Most of them I skimmed and saved references to the useful information. This was about the only book that made me stop and read it from cover to cover.
It's incredibly complete, with realistic advice on how to approach each situation that arises.
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